C o p y c a t C a s t l e in the C l o u d s

my friend once told me: "i want toilet paper in my hair! things will turn out better that way until tomorrow when i wake up and you're still asleep next to me. purring like a little groundhog day bill murray suffering from serious delirium. i like writing though. righting though no wrong from all the bad things i have done. until you come back home i'm sitting and waiting for the sun to stop shining in my room 237. then you can take back over and my partner. someone needs to take the foot out of my fingers. soup for dinner, washed the dishes. i don't have any money to spend. no money left for travel. going to be in the same place, my face collecting fungus. my beautiful bunny jump jump bunny. jump. jump. more than usual nonsense. better close my eyes. and watch you smile smile smile. your brown eyes disappear from light hiding the reflection of leaves falling from the trees."

drawing refrain num13
just then the bass begins
not the instrument, but the fish
in time with my drumming and pretend piano lessons
a song with no words

never repeat. never repeat. never repeat
not on purpose, but for a reason

_______ Tomorrow's Youth

my unblinking eye forgot everything. all the words i wrote all the songs i sang, all the beauty i have seen, all the ugliness too. in this war for balance. letter pictures. i always wondered how people, like kerouac, can produce hundreds of pages of words and sentences and call it a book. that all these flying people find and read coming down from heaven's gate like some bible describes. live by the word of the wind blowing through summer trees. not man.

this is all extra, this here. if only you could have read what i last wrote. i spent so much time carefully detailing my mind's concern for you. and trying to figure out just what i needed to say so you would understand. but that's all gone now. and you get to read this instead.

it all started 26 years ago. november the 3rd. the sun had gone out of orbit for a little while and it was dark. the stars lost in the infinity of time. part of something much larger than anything i could ever imagine or describe.

what good would it do anyway? if you're reading this i guess that's a start. it's really too bad you missed the first parts. i'm tired of playing catch up. be here now. let's start again. new. fresh. free. invent history.

everything is happening all at the same time over and over again. hold out your hand. press pause. stop. it's almost time again to take flight and see far away places and people with lives much unlike mine or my own. nothing like yours. truely i want only the best for all to see. it's ok if you never heard of this or tried eating that before. it's all new then. fun. fine. don't forget i've been here waiting all this time for my train to come so late now that i want to give up and take the bus instead. had i known earlier, i might have stopped then. before it was too late and our lives tangled into this knot. my bed knows how lonely i am. my friends laughed when i told them i loved you. but my cat just meowed. so i fed her and then she went to sleep.

dont put all your eggs in one basket. if the basket should break. the eggs would fall. and it's at the exact moment you'll want a nice western ommlette or to go into hatching one out. that's if you listen to old people, what do they know? think what the world was like when they were born.... pretty much the same as it is now and will always be and have been. at the core of it. none of the bells or whistles mind you.

____ Umbilical Dags

you like dags? i have 2 dags. they are not here with my now though although i wish they were. one more than the other. you might call my favorite one, "my favorite one". it's not good to play favorites right? especially when children falling out of the crack in your legs happens.

it has reached a critical point now where all things carry more or less weight. i'd be glad to say that i'm happy. but what a misplaced lie will do to bring about sudden change and rearrange thoughts you once cherished and died instead.

i'm not a zombie, but all i really want to do is eat your brain with a wooden spoon. and get fancy on the ground floor of something really big. that would be majestic and grand in the oldest fashion sense of all invisible misunderstandings. because for the most part none of these words mean anything.

when i was born i don't really remember, but the cord attached me still to my mother. and it wrapped itself carefully around my neck so i couldn't breathe.

i'm still going to peru.
you can come if you want.

new bed sheets
water filters
glasses
sherman filter bank
hanging light
laptop backpack
socks
clothes

thank you for your patience.
if anyone knows the way to special action please
let me know. just regular everyday go no where
say nothing round about town manners that would
make my dog itch
from all the fleas she caught
over
night in jail
that gnarled woman
with the little dog police,
roaming and barking. stay away.

to understand the brain
of a late night memory. petty theives my
eyes painted blue
call down a pretty devilish might

normally i'd ignore the whole god damned thing,
the way you pony headed across my blank mind
which some would refer to as their canvas.
i paint violent dreams releasing the imaginary
pychology someone named fantasy

first name last last name first

pumpkin
chocolate
vanilla
red bean
ice cream
rotten eats eggs
getting started
begin bang it's gone
delighted autum

carpathian joy ride
stay with it without
away from here
in my house together
trapped reflective bubbles

if i had the attention, i'd be home by now, or at least happy following along a long set path that could easily just be my own destiny.

===

did you ever have a feeling? like an itch you can't seem to sractch glitch an idea, key master gate open again. they keep coming and coming one right after the other. constantly for the rest of your days and nights but disappear by morning.

if you're reading this, that means that you know how to read. well done! if you understand any of this then that means i've been doing my job. everyday hours gone down the drain. with no expression of regret or blue sorrow. only words written in straight lines.

rectangle rombus square hexagon trapazoid circle with no sides. the pictures were food and then you died. so i ate your flesh. and used your hair as a mustache. then cut off your fingers to make soup. removed your lungs and now i can breathe again. i used everything... except your eyes, those i saved as my prize.

with only the slightest hesitation i fall hopelessly deeply out of my imagination. until someone picks me back up and dusts off the spider webs having caught only one moth. a bright grey morning glowing red. a dark day dwelling in my mind. a somewhere place up north. please don't hide. hallucinations. machinations. daily responses colored yellow. someday green.

Q: what's the meaning of all this then?
A: there is none.

"Precision of communication is important, more important than ever, in our era of hair trigger balances, when a false or misunderstood word may create as much disaster as a sudden thoughtless act.”

on the brink of insanity
a stagnant stampeed
waits for a little push
the next day comes
the next day comes
the next day comes
the next day comes
the next day comes
the next day comes

upon reflection

error
hate
vaniety

upon reflection

greed
envy
lust

upon reflection

a growing monster standing before me
we must fight until the end
your end
my end
the end

blue flag, blue flag
follow me into the sea
where we swim unconscience
and no one knows who we are
faceless, nameless

starve myself from you
i'm sorry for the food i must eat
pour your heart into my bottle
i'll keep it near

we try
we tried
i try

words dangled at the end of a string
puppet like for show
dancing only for you

so smart to know what you said
now a white brainwash fills my head

big decisions, can't sleep
mango madness makes me weep
simple words take us deep

so smart to hear what you said
now a white brainwash fills my head

i sit and wait
tangled in your wires
after a while the rust begins to burn
what used to hurt is exiled

now i am alone on this deserted island
i begin to build a raft
so that one day i may return

my roots, they fall from mars
human brains i collect in jars
at night, i like to watch you sleep
for this reason am i a creep?
my shoes i do not tie
but this is merely between you and i...

let me forget
the nothingness i feel
tucked away, so nice and safe
from the side effects
of an imaginary life
like this
days feel like years
yet never fails to fly right by

i'll be with you in your dreams
if you let me sing you to sleep
drop by drop
an ocean of tears
fall into the sky

thank you for teaching me life
sacred cable box tv
it's a nice diguese you wear
tricking babies into thinking you're alright
feeding them lies
eating their eyes
you need us, but we don't need you
user friendly thought control
staged emotions
like black vice

beware of names given at birth
invisible strands
guide a young mind
without choice

some may walk to this truth
some may run
some may never seek

you'll fight and fight
wanting to break free
but attached to this harness you will always be
a key lost to unlock
millions of memories you'll try to block

she stole it from me
a moment of perfection
trapped on a piece of paper
vision of a distant land through manic eyes
who gave it back to me?
i dont' want it anymore
all i want is what i had
so how can you sit there and tell me not to be sad?

i feel you
gently stabbing me
with your eyes
with your lips
maybe i should be thankful
for this unconditional love
maybe i should be grateful
for all the pain i deserve
now only the ocean
could fill the emptiness
i feel inside

the days which are to follow are not real. remember these words, and do not forget your past life. this is a taste of what life might be like if it were all fun and games. i will try and play for seven days. without regret, without wishes, without pain....

in a dream last night, i died in a fire. a very hot and very real fire. it was no ordinary fire, it was a magnet. pulling me closer and closer, growing bigger and bigger. blue flames, like a gas stove. i could feel the fire rumbling beside me, almost talking to me. I was the one who started this fire and i knew only i could put it out.

without a map
only your eyes can guide
and reach deep inside
to the neverending dawn
where we lie side by side
knowing all the time we have nothing to hide
rivers of silent penetration
blocked by careful hesitation
keeping dangerous emotions on hold
fearful of the secrets crying to be told
while we wait for this soft dream to unfold

her frozen tears
shattered as they hit the floor
but cleaing up is not enough
she said
once more think not i know
the crumbs i can give
barley replace all the food you deserve
it's hard not to admire
all the leaves falling from the sky
and bright colored fireworks exploding in my eye

i watched and listened
ignoring this emotional malnutrition
through this pain killing smoke screen
it's hard to make out your face

clock towering confusion
might make me late
mind numbing delusion
might be my fate

he braved the stormy weather
gently into a clearing
then sat and watched his fate nearing
not unlike a black swan swimming
thourgh the mouth a great river
then spiraling out and down to the bottom of the sea
and it's oh so easy
to say he doesn't care
and it's all too easy
to say he didn't try
but behind these words
i can only smell the sky

tight rope walker
way up above my head
trying to keep balanced
learned to fly instead

earthbound angel
nurish the straving with bread
let me clip your wings
stay with me instead

Getting downstairs is taking unusually long, and he doesn’t understand why. [2]

Once he makes it down to the lobby, he looks around. Everywhere he looks is just another strange face. A feeling of fear slowly creeps up inside of his brain. So he starts the search for a way out. Finding an exit is very difficult and the lobby now seems to be a maze. He asks the man at the desk how to get outside, but when the man speaks, no words come out of his mouth. He points him in the other direction, which seems to lead nowhere. [7.1]

He finally makes it outside and begins the short walk to where he saw the mysterious glow coming from. As he walks, he begins to wonder why no fire trucks or police have arrived yet. The fire has been burning for so long. [3]

He’s now standing in front of the tall burning building and takes his camera out to take pictures of this strange site. When he looks through the lens of the camera, another row of buildings mysteriously appears in front of the old one. These new buildings seem to be growing from the earth. Higher and higher they grow, until the burning building is eclipsed. [4.3]

At a loss for words and reason, he takes the camera away from his eye, only to see the burning building exactly where it was, standing alone… and no longer burning. [2]

He’s confused and consumed with fright. He closes his eyes, hoping to wake from this dream. [1]

When he reopens his eyes, there’s nothing, only darkness. [1]

Black [1]